You’re not dreaming, but you as sure as Sunday morning going to wish you were!
  -- B.A. LeCarre (to the Joes and Cobras trapped underwater)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 Lights! Camera! Cobra!


"It takes a strong stomach to watch me eat."
- Cobra Commander (to Destro, who interrupts Cobra Commander's meal)

As villagers are led away from their homes, Cobra Commander tells his troops to eliminate them, however, the G.I.Joe team arrives via helicopters and attacks Cobra. Duke leads Snake Eyes, Gung Ho and other generic Joes and then turn to Cobra Commander and chases him. But as Duke tackles Cobra Commander, they smash through a paper brick wall.


Tearing off this helmet, the actor portraying Cobra Commander curses the actor playing Duke and threatens to sue for the injury to his back. As the actors walk by the director, George Landsburg, and his producer, Marty Goldblatt, the director exclaims that the everything is wrong, that the movie lacks authenticity, and demands real G.I.Joe technical advisors - and money doesn’t concern him.


Inside a temple filled with Cobra deco, Destro enters Cobra Commander’s chambers as Cobra’s leader is finishing a meal and informs him that he has located the Firebat. Suddenly, Destro turns to the side and demands that Cobra Commander put his hood on. Cobra laughs in a raspy chuckle and tells Cobra’s arms dealer, “It takes a strong stomach to watch me eat.” Destro recounts the tale of Cobra Commander’s elite troops failing to deliver the plane and recommends destroying the Firebat, which is located at Miracle Studios and contains a homing device that could lead the Joes back to Cobra’s base. Cobra Commander ignores Destro’s advice and decides to contact Zartan and his Dreadnoks so that they can steal it back at a price cheaper than buying a new 15 million dollar plane from Destro.

A wall explodes at a London bank and the Zartan and his crew proceed to rob 1 million in gold from the bank after Buzzer cuts open the safe with his chainsaw, however, Cobra Commander contacts Zartan and offers 4 million. Zartan whistles and tells Buzzer, Ripper and Torch to drop the loot. “Drop it?” they question in unison. Zartan explains that they have just received an offer to make a movie.


At an airport near Hollywood, Mutt, Junkyard, Blowtorch, Dusty, Recondo, Cover Girl and Shipwreck are met by Marty Goldblatt, who is told by a female flight attendant that he is not a moment too soon in picking them up since the sailor (Shipwreck) is driving her crazy.

The Joes are escorted to a desert location and Shipwreck grumbles when he is told that he cannot visit the town first and then work. Cobra Stingers, G.I.Joe Silver Mirages, MOBATs and Vamp Mark IIs have been loaned from the US government to the studio in order for George Landsburg to achieve his goal for the film - total authenticity. Shipwreck throws his arm around the director and tells him that perfection cannot be achieved without official G.I.Joe smoke-shifters. The director orders his producer to give Shipwreck a car and money, and as the sailor drives off, Cover Girl follows on a Silver Mirage in order to “keep him out of trouble.”

Zartan tells Torch to follow the Joes who have left for the town while he and the other Dreadnoks will destroy the set. Approaching Recondo and Dusty, Zartan pretends he is an actor pretending to be Zartan and tells the Joes that Cobra’s equipment in superior when compared to the Joes’. Unwilling to tolerate the insults, Zartan’s midnight race in the desert is accepted by Dusty and Recondo, who race against the Cobra Python Cycle with a Silver Mirage. However, Buzzer and Ripper shoot at the Joes and cause them to crash into a ravine, and Recondo falls unconscious just as he realizes that he was racing the real Zartan.

Meanwhile, as Cover Girl is driving through town shouting Shipwreck’s name, she stops outside a bar when someone is thrown through the window and a voice asks, “Who’re you callin’ a cheat?” Cover Girl runs inside and tells Shipwreck that he would pick the sleaziest hole in town. “Oh, shut up and fight!” Shipwreck says. Torch sneaks into the pool hall and calls the police to report a riot but is interrupted as a large biker picks him up by his jacket.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three


Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
Jan 25: Buzz Dixon Interview
Jan 25: Paulsen Annie Nomination & Dini on Batman Comic
Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs JoeGuide.com
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