He must be a collector. They're desperate men.
  -- an archaeological dig leader (to a foreman curious about their attacker's identity)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 Where the Reptiles Roam

"They gotta know we're here. Let's give 'em an education!"
- Flint (after learning from Recondo that Cobra's ranch appears deserted)

"Baroness!" Wild Bill shouts, as he turns around. "At your service, y’all," she tells him. Zartan walks toward the Baroness and Wild Bill who are struggling in the dark and Zartan is surprised by Wild Bill, who knocks out Cobra's master of disguise.

Breaker tells Flint, Scarlett, Snake Eyes and Shipwreck that he has been receiving some bizarre telemetry readings from the satellite and NASA believes that the dude ranch in west Texas is somehow involved. Breaker has tried to contact Lady Jaye, but the transmissions are being jammed.

Suddenly, Cobra Commander appears on the Joes' screen and stands in front of a United States map. He demands to be paid one billion dollars in gold bullion within 12 hours or he will burn a city to the ground. And for every hour that the payment is delayed an additional city will be incinerated. To emphasize to the world that he is not bluffing, Cobra Commander changes the aim of the solar satellite and turns the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco into a molten slag.

Footloose, Airborne, Spirit, Shipwreck, Snake Eyes, Flint, Scarlett and Breaker run out of the room to try and defeat Cobra again, and as they leave, they shout: "YO JOE!" As Destro reports that the Joes have entered the base perimeter, Cobra Commander tells him that they don't have to worry since they have the weapon of the century, and it was developed at NASA's cost. As the Joes drive APCs, MOBATs, Maulers, Wolverines, Sluggers and RAMs toward the dude ranch, Flint radios Recondo, who is squatting near a post to a fence, if there is any Cobra activity on the ranch. Recondo tells Flint that the ranch is quiet, maybe too quiet.

Believing that Cobra knows that the Joes are on their base, Flint tells the Joes, "They gotta know we're here. Let's give 'em an education!" But the energy beams from the orbiting space station create canyons in the earth and melt the Joes ground equipment. Leaping from her Wolverine before it is melted, Cover Girl looks at the mess and asks herself, "How am I going to fix that?!"

The Dreadnoks watch the carnage while standing behind Cobra Commander and Buzzer asks the others if they think Cobra Commander will give them a turn. Zartan tells them to get serious. Ace leads several Skystrikers into battle, however, he runs into a laser and is forced to eject. As Scarlett orders the other Joes to peal off and regroup, Recondo climbs out of ditch and joins the Joes, who are without their vehicles. He explains to the Flint and the others that the beam can not track small targets so all they have to do is attack on foot. "Now you're talking!" shouts Roadblock.

The Joes advance on El Loco Toro Dude Ranch and since Cobra Commander is unable to lock onto the Joes, Destro orders Cobra's forces to counter-attack. Zartan and the Dreadnoks drive out of a barn on their three-wheeler and begin to circle the Joes, who climb into a corral and attempt to shoot the Cobra agents.

Behind a post in the corral, Flint and Cover Girl try to figure out how to defeat Cobra until they hear Wild Bill shout his trademark cowboy yell: “Yaaa-Hooo!" Leading the cattle toward the Cobra vehicles, Zartan and his Dreadnoks are overrun while Destro, who remarks, "What a crude form of weaponry," and the Baroness are overturned while inside a Stinger.

Destro and the Baroness argue with one another as they try to escape and the Baroness bolts to an outhouse as soon as she spots Wild Bill, who sees her as well. Flying out of the outhouse on a Cobra Trubble Bubble, Wild Bill watches her fly away and comments, "That has to be the most new fangled sanitation system I ever saw." Cobra Commander tells Zartan, the Dreadnoks and Destro to hurry to the barn so that they can escape.

Bursting through the roof of the barn, Flint and Roadblock watch Cobra Commander and the others fly away in Cobra Trubble Bubbles, and Cobra Commander screams that he can not believe that his plans were foiled by a cattle stampede.

Wild Bill, Roadblock and Flint untie the captured Alpine, Bazooka and Lady Jaye, who asks what kept them. "Oh, just a little cattle stampede," Flint replies. "And that's no bull!" Wild Bill adds.

Climbing up a ladder to the top of the Joes' headquarters, Wild Bill joins Snake Eyes and Timber under the stars and comments that they are almost as pretty as "a west Texas gal." Timber whimpers for a moment, offering sympathy for Wild Bill, but the cowboy wearing sunglasses at night tells Timber and Snake Eyes: "Aw, heck, Timber, I should of known she weren't no real Texas peach. She was just too sweet. Anyone from Texas knows we grow our peaches sassy!" And Wild Bill laughs with a hardy chuckle while Timber howls at the full moon.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
Jan 25: Buzz Dixon Interview
Jan 25: Paulsen Annie Nomination & Dini on Batman Comic
Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs JoeGuide.com

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