Let’s not and pretend we did, okay?
  -- Scarlett (after slapping Shipwreck in the face when he makes a pass at her)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 The Great Alaskan Land Rush


"When I get my hands on those Red Oktober whackos, I'm gonna make them wish Carl Marx was Groucho’s brother."
- Gung Ho (on a long march in Alaska)


Meanwhile, a Russian general tells Col. Brekhov, Daina and Horrorshow, who are collectively known as the Oktober Guard, that if Russia is able to find the seal before G.I.Joe, then Russia will take back a very valuable piece of property. Col. Brekhov warns the general that the competition between the Oktober Guard and the Joes could become fierce, however, the general replies: “As great American philosopher Vincent Lombardi once said: ‘Winning isn’t everything, is only thing” [sic].

Aboard a transport plane, the Joes fly low to the ground, play poker and discuss their latest dilemma, and after Gung Ho, who is holding four aces, tells the other to play, four Cobra Rattlers, which are led by the Baroness, attack and cause the plane to crash despite the Joes shooting at the Rattlers from their windows.


Gerky asks Tomax and Xamot, to whom he refers as “lawyer boys,” how their assessment of the state is progressing and the Twins report that with the mineral, oil and gas deposits and the various valuables in the town and villages, the state is worth over a trillion dollars. After Gerky leans back in his chair and asks what can go wrong, the Baroness radios that G.I.Joe has arrived. Gerky falls backwards toward the ground and as he asks Tomax and Xamot what is happening, they tell him to go play with his toys. Learning that the Joes’ plane has been shot down, the Twins leave to intercept the Oktober Guard, and Gerky asks how they know what is happening. They simply reply that he doesn’t have a need to know.

While the Joes unload their Snow Cats from the plane, Scarlett plots a one hundred mile trek through two mountains, however, the Oktober Guard’s commander, Col. Brekhov, who is spying on the Joes from behind the cover of a snowy hill tells Horrorshow that the Joes will never make their trip. They climb aboard helicopters and lead several other Russian helicopters on an attack on the Joes. The missiles from the Russians strike the icy sides of the mountains as the Joes drive between them, but the Joes leap out of the Snow Cats and climb out of the avalanche. Col. Brekhov bids them farewell and flies away.

But neither Duke nor the rest of the Joes give up. The Joes continue their trip by marching through the wilderness, forests and volcanic hotbeds. “When I get my hands on those Red Oktober whackos, I‘m gonna make them wish Carl Marx was Groucho’s brother,” Gung Ho complains to Roadblock, who points to a nearby camp and tells his teammate that he might get his chance. As the Joes rush into the camp, Gung Ho grabs a donut from the table, and the Joes find the camp has been deserted. Gung Ho tells his teammates that he’d bet his tattoo that they are in a trap. However, Scarlett picks up one of the Russian guns and notes that a trap can’t be closed without weapons.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three


Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
Jan 25: Buzz Dixon Interview
Jan 25: Paulsen Annie Nomination & Dini on Batman Comic
Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs JoeGuide.com
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