That Texas tease. 'Call me Mary Belle.' Jezebel's more like it!
  -- Lady Jaye (after Mary Belle offers Wild Bill a tour of the ranch)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 Twenty Questions

"Fool! You are the stupidest male I have ever met!"
- The Baroness (sharing her opinion of investigative reporter Hector Ramirez)

Explosions rip apart the silence in the skies and Flint drives a Mauler forward, points to the land in front of him and yells: “YO JOE!”

Scarlett, Spirit and several other Joes run behind him and attack Alpine’s forces. Launching a flour bag from his AWE Striker, Alpine nails Shipwreck’s tank, forcing Shipwreck to throw back the hatch and take a few shots with his photon gun at Alpine. The shots miss the driver, but Alpine hits Shipwreck. The sailor flops onto the ground and begins to flip and flop while performing an exaggerated death scene. Pulling up beside Shipwreck, Alpine says, “Shipwreck, that is pathetic.”
“Says you! I thought I deserved an Oscar,” he replies.
“Yeah, my uncle Oscar, the moocher.”

Cover Girl flies over the war games battlefield and announces that the Joes are to cease fire since civilians are in the area. On top of a hill, a cameraman, Tom, tells Hector Ramirez, the host of the television show “Twenty Questions,” that the camera is recording, and Ramirez begins to explain the two points of view regarding the Joes: a needless extravagant expense at best and a blatant rip-off of the American tax paying public at worst. When the opening is finished Ramirez is told by his briefcase-hugging producer that his performance was perfect and then runs over to Flint to ask his opinion on the public’s point of view that Cobra is a completely fictional organization. Gung Ho and Alpine suggest a “no comment” response since Ramirez is famous for hanging people with their words, and Flint decides to heed the advice of his teammates.

Leaving the investigative reporting crew in an office, Flint closes the door and hears Alpine ask, “What now semi-fearless leader?”

Flint orders him to find a guide to escort the reporters around the base and to contact Duke, who is away from the base. As Ramirez, Tom and the producer stand in the office, the producer begins to rant that the Committee On Basic Reductions of Armies has conclusive proof that the Joe/Cobra conflict is a hoax, however, Tom chips in that the footage on TV is quite real. Ramirez picks up a glass globe from a desk and wonders quietly if there is an Emmy in the story.

Flint walks into a recreation room and orders Shipwreck, who misses his shot and stands at attention, that he wants Shipwreck to give three civilians a tour of the base. Shipwreck takes off his hat, places it over his heart and tells Flint that he’d love to help but he was killed in action. Flint tells him to “stow it.”

After visiting an obstacle course and a shooting range and hearing the producer insult the obstacle course as something appropriate for a kindergartner and that Cobra is also a cardboard target, Shipwreck becomes quite irate and yells at the producer at close range that he will prove to the producer that Cobra is real. Shipwreck access a top secret computer lab and learns that Cobra has a base in the Rocky Mountains after yelling at the investigative crew for entering a restricted area. The producer asks if it would be better for the world if the computers were designed to help reduce world hunger. “Whaddya going to do?!” Shipwreck asks. “Feed the world a short stack of floppy disks?”

Shipwreck sneaks the Ramirez and his crew into a Dragonfly helicopter, but just before he flies away from Joe headquarters, Ace and Ripcord stop by and ask if he needs a co-pilot. Quickly answering with a 'no,' Shipwreck then takes off and tells the reporters that their next stop is the Rockies.

Watching Shipwreck pilot a Dragonfly to the mountains, Zartan, who is dressed as a shepherd, radios the Dreadnoks that an aircraft is approaching their position. Punching his hand against his fist, Buzzer exclaims, “Cool! I ain’t destroyed nothing in two or three days!”

Buzzer fires a missile and Shipwreck yells, “Sam!” The producer, who is still continuing to anger Shipwreck with his comments of a non-existent enemy, explains that his name is Arnold. Shipwreck explains that SAM is short for Surface-to-Air missile and that now have a story they will never forget - and now all they have to do is survive!

As Cover Girl and Gung Ho yell for Shipwreck while roaming the halls of the Joe base, the two Joes meet up with Ripcord and Ace.

Ripcord explains that he thought it was quite suspicious to see Shipwreck flying off the base with the civilians so he checked out Shipwreck’s activities prior to his flight and learned that he has charted a course to a Cobra base. Cover Girl groans and tells the Joes that the sailor is off to certain doom and death. “From Cobra?” asks Gung Ho. “No, from Duke when he finds out.”

Shipwreck punches Arnold, brings the Dragonfly up from a dive toward the ground and watches the missile impact terra firma. Hitting the trees with the blades of his helicopter, Shipwreck’s Dragonfly lands on the ground and skids to the edge of a cliff and teeters precariously. But the helicopter doesn’t go over the edge. “See, told you I get us down safe,” Shipwreck tells his passengers.

Inside a recreation room at Joe headquarters, Freedom grabs a piece of food held by Spirit’s teeth, a sight that sickens Alpine and worries him. “Have no fear for my health,” Spirit tells his teammate. “I’m not,” Alpine replies. “I’m worried about Freedom.” Cover Girl and Gung Ho run into the room and ask Alpine for his help searching for Shipwreck in the Rockies.

Shipwreck threatens Arnold to keep his mouth shut and then runs to an open clearing and watches the Joes fly over him. Zartan orders the Dreadnoks to ready the missile launcher and to contact Cobra Commander about the incoming Joe forces. Annoyed that his friends didn’t see him, Shipwreck stands and calls the Joes “scurvy hounds,” but stops his rant when he is knocked by the missile launcher as it swivels around to take aim at the Joes. Zartan and Ripper aim the missiles, but before Buzzer can fire the salvo, Shipwreck rips the communication cable to the launcher while explaining to the reporters that if the missiles are launched, they are all dead.

Shipwreck breaks the cable and Zartan then orders the Dreadnoks to call Cobra Commander so he can deal with the Joes. The water in a lake is drained and a gate on the side of the lake’s walls opens to let loose four Cobra Rattlers, which are under the charge of Wild Weasel.

Alpine’s chopper is struck but Spirit, who is pursued by two Rattlers, slows his speed, watches the Rattlers pass by him and destroys each plane with one shot. Shipwreck rigs the missile launcher to fire the missiles at the remaining Cobra Rattlers and destroys all of Cobra’s planes. As Shipwreck performs his victory dance, Zartan emerges behind the sailor and tells him that the moment would have been perfect if he had remembered to watch his back. Shipwreck turns around and finds the three civilians captured by the Dreadnoks.

Gung Ho, Spirit, Alpine and Cover Girl find Shipwreck’s Dragonfly and wonder where is to be found. Alpine adds that Shipwreck would be late even to his own funeral.

Zartan and the Dreadnoks lead their prisoners to the underground Cobra base and when Shipwreck sees the immense complex, he mutters: “Suffering seaweed.” On the P.A. system, an unenthusiastic voice explains that the movie for the night will be The Amusement Park of Terror, which involves mayhem on the merry-go-round and revenge on the roller coaster while the bad guys try to beat the good guys on a Ferris wheel.

Riding in a boring machine, Cobra Commander drives up to Zartan and the others on a boring machine and congratulates Zartan on capturing the intruders. Ramirez wonders who is at the wheel and Shipwreck quietly tells him, ”That moron is Cobra Commander.” Cobra Commander calls Shipwreck by name as he leads him to a monitor and explains that Cobra plans to attack the Rocky Mountain military chemical arsenal in the hopes of obtaining the explosive gas, which the U.S. military was leery of using.

Ramirez then steps forward and tells Cobra Commander to “can the charade” since the entire scene is fake, and then turns to Arnold for support.

However, the Baroness rips off her “Arnold” mask and screams, “Fool! You are the stupidest male I have ever met!” Her mission was to feed Ramirez worthless drivel so that Ramirez’s program would undermine Joe morale and adds that Shipwreck ruined everything. Cobra Commander then orders Zartan to lead Cobra’s forces against the military base.

Duke arrives at Joe headquarters in a Sky Hawk and Flint explains to him that both Shipwreck and Ramirez are missing.

Breaker runs toward the two officers and reports that Cobra is attacking the chemical weapons arsenal. Duke orders Flint to sound the alert and the Joes pour out of the base, board Dragonfly helicopters and fly off into battle.

After Cobra Commander explains that his drilling machines found the undiscovered cavern and is insulted by Shipwreck (who tells Cobra Commander that he never could tell the difference between his own face and a hole in the ground), he orders the Baroness to do the “dishonors,” driving a drilling machine into Shipwreck, Tom and Hector Ramirez.

Gung Ho, Spirit, Alpine and Cover Girl watch Zartan lead the Cobra troops and equipment out of the base and Freedom leads the Joes to Wild Weasel, whose parachute is caught in a tree and is about to be attacked by a large mountain cat.

The Joes offer to save him only if he tells where Shipwreck and the others are located. At first, Wild Weasel confesses he doesn’t know, but as the Joes turn to leave he blurts out that their friends may be in the cavern and he knows a way to sneak into the base.

Ramirez asks for one last request that intrigues Cobra Commander - an interview. Intrigued, Cobra Commander swats the Baroness aside and stops the drill. Cobra attacks the chemical weapons arsenal base and Zartan and the Dreadnoks steal not only the explosive gas but tear, laughing and itching gas as well.

While the Joes find the exhaust vent which Wild Weasel traded for his freedom, Zartan returns to the base and asks the Baroness, who is escorting Shipwreck at gunpoint, why Cobra Commander is not present to witness his triumph. And she replies in a bemused voice, “He’s being interviewed for TV.” Sitting in a chair, Ramirez yawns as Cobra Commander explains that he led a mutiny at his military academy.

Spirit sends Freedom down the vent while the Joes climb down. Hovering above Shipwreck, the Baroness turns her gun from Shipwreck to Freedom, however, Shipwreck knocks her aim before she can shoot Freedom and struggles for ownership of the gun. The Baroness’s shot sizzles past the Joes in the vent and since they believe that they have been spotted, they drop their ropes down, yell “YO JOE” and attack the base.

As the Joes kick the Dreadnoks away and run to a truck filled with explosive gas, Shipwreck runs over canisters of laughing, itching and tear gas as he drives the drilling machine into the command center to rescue Ramirez and Tom.

A Cobra Water Moccasin crashes into a fleet of other Water Moccasin ships and the Joes laugh and tell one another that they must escape or be crushed to a pulp by the cave-in. The Joes board the drilling machine and drill out while the Zartan and the other Cobra agents try to walk out while laughing uncontrollably.

Flint and Duke try to find the missing Joes’ trail and Flint watches part of a mountain sink into the earth while scanning the horizon. Duke lands the Dragonfly as soon as the Cobra drilling machine dig through a mountain side and demands that Shipwreck tell him what in “the bloody blue blazes” happened.

As all of the Joes continue to laugh, Ramirez stumbles forward laughing, grabs Duke’s shoulder and tells him that he had a fantastic adventure that was filled with explosions, laughing gas and is Pulitzer Prize material.

He then kisses Duke on the cheek, tells him that the Joes are great and rushes off to get the tape to his network. Duke then yells at the Joes for an explanation, but listens to the laughter, and adds, “On second thought, forget it.”

Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
Jan 25: Buzz Dixon Interview
Jan 25: Paulsen Annie Nomination & Dini on Batman Comic
Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs
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