Unbelievable! And I thought you were weird!
  -- Sgt. Slaughter (to Sci Fi after walking into a science fiction convention)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 The Great Alaskan Land Rush

"Am I losing my mind?"
- Gerber Landsford (after "Honest" Gerky tells him that he is fired)

As tourists take pictures of the various historical monuments around Washington D.C., the Joes escort a billion dollars worth of historical documents to the new national archive. Roadblock tells Duke over the radio that Cobra is unlikely to attack since no one wants to fight over “old trash.” Scarlett, who is driving the truck with Duke at her side, grabs the radio from Duke and tells Roadblock that she hardly considers the U.S. Constitution trash. Realizing the Constitution is part of the Joes’ cargo, Gung Ho chips in his surprise, and Scarlett tells him that the document is aboard his truck and that she wants to deliver the goods as quickly as possible. Duke laughs lightly and tells her, “Always in a hurry.”

Extending the lens on her camera, a tourist converts her camera into a gun and shoots at Roadblock’s truck. The Joes crash into one another and the Baroness rips off her tourist disguise and tells the Tele-Vipers to help her procure truck number nine. While Cobra fires at the Joes, Duke and Scarlett use their truck, number nine as cover and grab hold of the bottom of it while the Baroness drives away.

Noting that he feels like John Wayne under a stage coach, Duke climbs underneath the truck with Scarlett, tosses a Tele-Viper off the back of the truck and climbs onto the roof in order to knock off two more Tele-Vipers. However, the Baroness slams on the brakes and the Joes and the two Cobras fall into a water fountain, and while Duke wonders why Cobra stole their particular truck since nothing valuable was aboard, the Baroness escapes.

The Baroness reports to Tomax and Xamot and explains that Gerky Potemkin was correct about the provision in the Seward file. After telling the Crimson Guard Commanders that he was correct, “Honest” Gerky, a used car dealer from New Jersey wipes his forehead with a handkerchief and tells the Cobra agents that he never believed he would make his biggest deal in real estate.

Tomax and Xamot burst through the glass door of the Gerber Landsford, the governor of Alaska, and Gerky tells the public official that he is fired and Tomax and Xamot explain that the governor’s secretary, Mrs. Jamenson, has been fired as well. Governor Landsford asks if he is losing his mind, but Gerky replies, “No! Just your job!” Gerky then pulls a cup decorated with jewels and explains that whoever owns the seal of Alaska is the owner of the state according to the provisions in the Seward treaty, a fact which he explains to the governor and all of the evicted resident of Gerkyland while on television.

After Duke, Scarlett, Snake Eyes Roadblock and Shipwreck watch Potemkin’s broadcast at Joe headquarters, Scarlett explains to the curious Gung Ho that in 1867 the US Secretary of State William H. Seward bought Alaska from Russia for seven cents an acre. To make the deal official, a seal was sent to America on the Russian warship Romanov, which was commanded by Ivan Lucrof. The Romanov never reached the US and Potemkin claims that his family fled Russia with the seal. Duke believes Gerky’s seal is a fake and orders the Dusty, Recondo and the other Joes are told to prepare for an arctic mission.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
Jan 25: Buzz Dixon Interview
Jan 25: Paulsen Annie Nomination & Dini on Batman Comic
Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs JoeGuide.com

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