Mother of Mercy - they're Joes.
  -- Grunt (upon seeing the skeleton remains of three Joes)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 The Funhouse

"Your acting couldn't get you onto a soap opera."
- The Baroness (after Zartan informs Cobra Commander of the extra charge for his acting services)

Zartan skims across the nighttime waters of a river near Lab Central, blends with the chain-linked fence and knocks out the guard. Sneaking into a room, where Dr. Heibbentrope tries to track a pesky microbe under a microscope, Zartan is brusquely told by the doctor that he is busy, however, Zartan tells the scientist that he believes it is time to take a nap. Pulling out a canister with a Cobra symbol on the side, Zartan sprays a gas that places Dr. Hibbentrope asleep.

Flint drops photos of a Dr. Hibbentrope, a botanist and a geologist onto a table and asks the other Joes, Lady Jaye, Alpine, Bazooka, Gung Ho and Breaker, why they think Cobra would kidnap these people. Bazooka pulls out a baseball card, suggesting that their adversaries are putting together some sort of set, and Flint wonders what will happen when the set is complete.

Breaker receives a transmission from Cobra Commander who demands sixty billion dollars in gold bullion for the safe return of the scientist. Lady Jaye leans over and asks where Cobra Commander expects the Joes to find that much money, but Alpine pulls out his wallet, slides out his G.I.Joe Express card and the tells everyone, "Relax, guys. We'll just put it on my credit card. I never leave home with-"

"Enough of this foolishness!" Cobra Commander yells, interrupting Alpine. The camera inside Cobra Commander's base swings to Dr. Hibbentrope, who is bound to a chair with rope and pleads for G.I.Joe to save him.

Cobra Commander threatens to kill him in one day and ends his transmission, however, Breaker was able to trace the source of a broadcast to an island near South America. Lady Jaye and Gung Ho tell Flint that the successful trace makes the Joes feel uneasy, and Flint agrees and asks for volunteers. All of the Joes raise their fists into the air and shout: "YO JOE!"

Inside the Cobra base, a stone temple with a cobra's head placed on the top, Zartan removes his mask of Dr. Hibbentrope’s face and tells Cobra Commander that he charge an extra amount for his acting services. As the Baroness caustically tells Zartan that his acting skills couldn't land him a job on a soap opera, Cobra Commander explains that Zartan's stunning performance is well worth his fee because Cobra's leader will finally experience the greatest luxury in life - revenge.

G.I.Joe Skystrikers, Sky Hawks and Dragonflies fly low to the ocean in order to avoid radar and then Ace fires several rockets at Cobra's base just to let Cobra know that the Joes have arrived. HISS tanks and Cobra Trubble Bubbles are destroyed and the Dragonflies blow up a bunker moments before WHALE hovercrafts land.

An APC rolls out a WHALE and Flint, Gung Ho, Alpine, Bazooka, Airtight, Lady Jaye, Dusty and Zap hop out and run forward attack the Cobra ground forces.

However, as soon Alpine tells Bazooka that he's been itching for a good fight all day, Bazooka drops his weapon and begins to scratch his back. Flint, who is pinned down by a HISS tank's blast with the other Joes yells for Bazooka's support. Grabbing his bazooka, the Joe rushes forward but trips on a root and pulls the trigger. Flint ducks and the shot sails over him, and the HISS tanks overturns and blows up.

Flint tosses his gun at two Cobra agents explaining he doesn't like to fight two unarmed men while Gung Ho punches a few Cobra agents and removes a Cobra agent off his back telling him, "Get off my back." Wiping his hands against one another, Gung Ho avoids a laser blast from two Cobra agents, but Dusty knocks them out by leaping off a Cobra HISS behind the agents while explaining that even though he usually doesn't drop by uninvited, he'll make an exception for them.

After Bazooka punches three Cobra agents who tackle him to the ground and cause him to swallow his gum, the Joes stand in the middle of a field filled with unconscious Cobra agents and hear Alpine declare, "What a buncha wimps!" But Flint tells the Joes that their mission isn't over since they still have to break into the base and rescue the scientists. Turning to Zap, Flint asks the demolitions expert if he has a key, which Zap does own in the shape of six pieces of dynamite.

After a section of the base's wall has been turned to rubble, Zap is ordered by Flint to wait for Gung Ho and the support team while the others enter the base. While walking down a corridor, Lady Jaye says that the place feels deserted, but metal doors suddenly slam down and cut off their exits and a magnetic panel on the ceiling swings down and removes the Joes metal weapons.

A screen appears and Cobra Commander welcomes the Joes to his funhouse, where two of the three corridors offered to the Joes lead to "dead ends" while the third leads to him. "Then all the doors are losers," yells Alpine. Unnerved but undeterred to let the Joes ruin his fun, Cobra Commander also explains that the entire island will be destroyed by a bomb.

Standing behind Cobra's leader, the Baroness tells him to not take any chances and to kill the Joes now, however, Zartan takes the side of Cobra Commander's time-consuming approach since the master of disguise is paid by the hour.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
Jan 25: Buzz Dixon Interview
Jan 25: Paulsen Annie Nomination & Dini on Batman Comic
Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs
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