Like what? A Snake of the Month club?
  -- Beach Head (after Mainframe discovers that Cobra has a mail-order business)
Home Episode Summaries Season 1 The Greenhouse Effect


"Hey, my momma didn’t raise no mountain goat."
- Wild Bill (to Alpine, who asked if the other Joes are going to follow him down a rocky cliff)

Behind a glass window, an engine is shut off and a man in a white trenchcoat announces to the Joes, Alpine, Bazooka, Wild Bill and Barbecue, that they are witnessing a historical moment. “Yeah,” Alpine says sarcastically, “he just invented the world’s biggest Roman candle.” Waking up from his nap while standing, Bazooka asks Alpine, “Really?”


Barbecue plucks the clipboard from Dr. Bullock’s hand, pushes the doctor aside as he tries to grab back his board, turns to the Joes and explains that the newest nitrogen-based fuel compound burns much more cleanly and the user will be able to derive more miles per gallon.

Inside a broom closet, Crimson Guard number nine report to Cobra Commander that he has found the formula but has not stolen it. Cobra Commander orders him to get the fuel and does not care if there are members of the Joe team in the building. Turning off his radio, the slightly overweight janitor pushes the cart out of the closet and proceeds to the laboratory, where two mechanical arms remove the canister containing the fuel from the engine and place it inside a refrigerator.

As Crimson Guard number nine enters the room, Dr. Bullock asks him how he was able to pass the security on the floor since the lab is in a restricted area. However, the janitor stutters, knocks over a bucket of water and incurs Dr. Bullock’s wraith. The Joes laugh and walk over to the Crimson Guard to try and help him, but the janitor throws a bucket and Barbecue steps inside of it and falls over. The Crimson Guard swings the wet strings of the mop into Alpine’s face and garbs the rocket fuel. Wild Bill yells at the other Joes to grab the “buckaroo” and the Crimson Guard jumps onto a table.

Dr. Bullock promises to report the janitor to his supervisor, but the Crimson Guard replies, “Good luck! My supervisor is Cobra.” The Cobra agent jumps up from the table, grabs a light hanging down from the ceiling and begins to swing, however, Alpine grabs his legs and tries to pull him down while asking the Crimson Guard if he always wished to be in the circus.

Bazooka grabs a trash bin and holds it as if he ready to capture the Crimson Guard after Alpine pulls him down, but the Crimson Guard throws Alpine into the trash bin and Alpine crashes through a window. The Cobra agent dismounts from the lights, flies through the window and slides down a rocky hill as the Joes pursue him. As Alpine begins to climb down the hill, he asks why the other Joes are not following him. Wild Bill tells him, “Hey, my momma didn’t raise no mountain goat.” Bazooka follows his friend down the hill, but he stumbles and causes Alpine and himself to tumble to the bottom.

The Cobra agent, who skidded to the bottom of the hill, runs to a nearby town and enters a greenhouse as soon as he sees the Joes riding down the street on Silver Mirage motorcycles, which picked up Alpine and Bazooka at the bottom of the hill. The owner of the greenhouse, Harvey Lathrop, reports the presence of the intruder to the police and adds that he knows the difference between a person and a banana plant. The police yell at Harvey that they only handle real emergencies.


Outside the greenhouse, sirens blare and two police officers enter the greenhouse after the Crimson Guard places the rocket fuel canister into a plant pot. The two police officers enter the greenhouse and are surprised that there actually someone inside since Harvey has made 187 false alarm phone calls. The Crimson Guard rushes forward, kicks, punches and tosses the guards to the ground.

As the Cobra agent laughs and thanks the cops for the workout, Harvey drops a pot on the Cobra agent and knocks him out while apologizing to the plant that he removed from the pot. While Harvey concludes that the intruder was obviously after his secret plant food formula, the police officers awaken and drag the Cobra agent out of the greenhouse, listen to Harvey thank them for their swift attention and one of the officers tells Harvey, “Don’t mention it.” While the other policeman adds, “Please don’t mention it.”

Harvey sprays his superfood formula on the plants and tells the plants that the bad man is gone and that they can calm down. He also explains that his super-grow formula will make him famous at the county fair and then no one will laugh at him again. As soon as he leaves, the rocket fuel canister begins to leak a gas into the greenhouse and the plants begin to grow at an accelerated rate.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three


Jan 25: G.I.Joe Examined on Podcasts
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Jan 12: Sgt. Slaughter Signing in Atlanta
Jan 11: G.I.Joe to Return on G4
Dec 30: Paramount Movie Reviewer Plugs JoeGuide.com
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